Teachers surveys
by Miss-eoWyn
Summary: I've read arx512's Hogwarts: our favourites, and I wanted to see what happened if the teachers started writing them. The idea belongs to arx512. Very OOC! enjoy! :D
1. Minerva McGonagall

Disclaimers: Everything u recognise belongs to Goddess Rowling

* * *

.Minerva sat down at her desk, taking of her glasses and letting her hair out of its usual bun.

Not even midnight and she had already finished her workload for the day. That had to be a new record for her.

She started gathering her papers and put them back in her desk drawers.

When she was half way through the mess on her desk she noticed a small pile of parchments that had been hidden under her fourth years' T.F. homework.

She grabbed one of the parchments and looked down on it, then smiled.

The surveys she and some other staffmembers had stolen from their students last week.

Hmm...what if she were to write one of these surveys? She could do it you know. No one would ever know if she just kept it to herself. Yes, it would be fun. Quite fun indeed.

So she copied the survey onto an unused parchment, grabbed a quill and started writing...

* * *

Starting time? 23:50

**Personal**

Full name? Minerva Christine McGonagall

Nicknames? Tabby, min, minnie, kitkit, kittycat, kit, McG, Mickey, MickeyG

Birthday? 10. july

Age? 27

Sex? My room or yours? ;P

Siblings? Only child here...thank god!

Star sign? Uhm...whatever goes with 10.july

Single or taken? Still on the marked...don't tell lupin...he thinks he's the only one...:P

Hair? I hope to god I have...what? do I look bald to u? Oh...color? yeah...black...

Eyes? I've got that to...green!

Best and worst features (in your opinion)? Ah...best: that would be m'bod! I'm sooo hot! Do I really have bad features? Hmm...maybe my bad temper...I just can't help it..

Blood? It looks blue through my skin..but did u know that it's really red?

Pets? Nope...I'm alergic...specially to cats...haha...good one...cats...got it:D:D

**A bit more personal**

First kiss - who/where/when? Oh..long time ago... uhm ... I was 4 and I forced a guy in my kindergarden class into the bathroom n snogged him...I practically raped the poor bastard.

Ever pashed? Hah! I'm like 27...figure that one out yourself

Still a virgin? Once again...i'm 27!

If not, who/where/when? Not all of them right? Just my first? Sirius black, quidditch lockeroom, 3 grade.

Current crush? Crush? I'm not a teenager! Okay...Have u ever seen snape in just undies? He's got a fucking six-pack! GrRrRr!

Ever had a crush on a teacher? When I was in school then right? Ugh no! They were old!

Who do you hate the most? Sybill...n umbridge...i mean...pink cardigans and shawls? W.t.f?

What do you sleep in? My bed? Sometimes i fall asleep in the middle of my livingroom floor...but that's because I'm to drunk to get to bed...oh...I like the sleeping naked part, but that's a bit unconvinient when I have to get up to check on the kids...so...a negliche is good.

**School**

What house are you in? The house of the lion!

Who is your favourite teacher? Me:D:D

Who is your least favourite teacher? Again...that would be sybill...she was my teacher to back I the old days...drove me nuts!

Favourite subject? To be honest...I hated the whole school thing...but I guess it would have to be t.f then

Successes? I'm a success..the whole me!

Rule breaker? Whooohooo...read my yearbook? Do that!

**Friends**

Besties? Lonely! I'm mrs.lonely, I have nobody, but my own...no...that would be xiomara, pomona and poppy

Loudest? XIO!

Shyest? Poppy

Who do you go to for advice? Poppy again...she's actually quite smart.

**In life**

Ever:

Been Close To Death? Well...ever tried to wake Dumbledore from his slumber at 5 in the morning? I have. my advice, don't!

Been Cursed? Well...ever tried to wake Dumbledore from his slumber at 5 in the morning? I have...my advice...don't!

Killed Someone? Okay...this is not something I'm proud of. But I guess there are many students who have wondered how Prof. Binns died. He was my teacher to once, and during a class he said that he hated all the whispers and giggles, and he would much rather hear a loud bang than listen to our chit-chatting. So of course I took him seriously...who wouldn't? I managed to make a big bang during our next h.o.m. lesson..and...well...maybe i shouldn't have. Poor guy...had a nervous breakdown and everything.

Saved Someone? I've saved many of my students from the dangerous claws of snape and umbridge. And once I even saved Malfoy from Madeye. I almost felt sorry for the blond little fella. Almost!

Been in love? Oh...I'm a female aren't I? Of course I have.

Smoked? Bad habbit of mine...to bad.

Gone skinny-dipping? Hell yeah. And not just once!

Broken the law? Uh. No comment! Dump-di-dump-di-dump! **whistles**

Made yourself cry to get out of trouble? Did you know that works perfectly fine with dumbeldore? Even did it last week.

Made yourself throw up? Does bulimia count? No...i'm just kidding! Relax!

Kissed a toad? Imagening that, I don't even have to make myself throw up.

Been rejected? Who would reject cute little me?

Fallen for your best friend? Yeah...

Used someone? Yeah...who hasn't by the way?

Been used? No! Why would anyone do that?

Most embarrassing moment? I walked in on parvati and dean while they were...well...u know!

Dream job? Have it already

Role model? I don't know...hagrid? no...I never really had one.

Goal in life? Manage to have sex with 72 different people by the time I'm 60...boys or girls...doesn't matter.

Special talents? I'm an animagus! Did anyone know that?

**Favourites**

Animal? Dragon!

Colour? red

Food? Tex-mex

Drink? Cuban fire-whisky, boiled on cannabis...illegal b.t.w.

Place to shop? New York!

Spell? Halluzinoh...makes people think they're walking around naked...it's hilarious

Thing you own? my read gucci pumps...love'em!

Thing to do? Sleep...mmm...good!

Quidditch team/position? Go chudley canons! I was a chaser...And a darn good one if I may say so myself.

Motto/quote? to be courageous is not to be unafraid, but to carry on despite that fear

Morning or night? night

Summer or winter? Summer

Lefty or righty? lefty

Gold or silver? Silver...sorry but it looks better on me.

**Last…**

Person to make you cry? Albus... He said I couldn't borrow money for that new prada purse I want so badly

Person to see you cry? Albus

Person you were mean to? Albus...I punched him

Time you fought with your parents? Uhm...back in 95...they're dead!

Time you made a wish? When I asked Albus for the money, I wished that he would say yes.

Time you laughed? When I punched Albus

Time you read a book? This morning...I'm reading LOTR...quite fascinating!

Thing you ate? A lemon drop...I stole Albus' while he was in pain.

**What **

Are you scared of most? An angry poppy pomfrey

Are you listening to right now? my breathing

Are you wearing right now? undies

Do you think of these surveys? Quite fascinating to read what my students have written

Is your least favourite thing to do? Have a hangover

Is your biggest hope/dream? That I WILL GET THAT PRADA PURSE!

What's worse:

Barfing on your date or your date barfing on you? The latter...ugh!

Seeing someone die or you dying? Seeing someone die

Being helpless or doing something you will regret? Being helpless

Most likely to respond to this? severus

Most likely not to respond to this? binns

Time now? 00:42

* * *

There, Minerva thought. That was actually fun. She looked down at the survey once more, grinned at some of her fabulous answers and put the parchment inside her dayplanner wich she placed securely inside her bottom drawer.

No one would ever know.

At least that's what she thought.

* * *

A/N: next up will probably be Snape...I'm gonna have some fun with him.

Please R&R ladies and gents...but be gentle! ;)


	2. Severus Snape

Severus Snape was in a really bad mood. He was tired, his back hurt as hell and so did his head.

It was Thursday afternoon, and that meant that he had had a day containing Gryffiondor and Slytherin 5 years, Huffelpuff 1 years and a double potions with Gryffiondor 7 years.

Which of course meant Potter, Weasley, Granger, Longbottom, The Weasley twins and last but not at all least the whole FRIGGIN Huffelpuff class.

He was SO looking forward to getting to bed now. He just had one thing left to do that evening and than could cuddle up under his warm silk sheets and get his well deserved beauty-sleep.

He was now on his way to McGonagall's office to get a copy of "quidditch-practice-schedule-thingy".

He finally reached McGonagall's office and knocked. No answer. He knocked again, a little harder this time. Still no answer. He knocked a third time, but still no sound from inside the office. Severus was banging really hard on the door now, getting lots of curious looks from bypassing students. God! He was really not in the mood for this. Were was that bloody woman when you needed her?

Fine, he thought. He needed the schedules and he needed his sleep. He would simply just go get them himself.

He withdrew his wand and unlocked the door. That woman should be a bit more careful with locking her office, he thought. Even a first year could get into her office without to much thinking.

"So, where could she have put them?" He whispered to himself. Probably the desk drawers, he thought and went over to her desk.

He looked through the parchments lying on her desk. Nope, not there. So he started going through her drawers one-by-one. No, no, no, not there. He had gone through three of her drawers and had now reached the bottom drawer. It was locked.

Hmm, secret hiding place, eh? Severus thought. He unlocked it the same way he had unlocked the door and started going through the parchments inside. Essays, tests, essays, essays, letter.

Ah, there! The schedule was lying almost on the bottom of the pile. He took the small piece of parchment and was about to close the drawer when he spotted something else lying there. A survey? Just like the surveys they had stole from their students, except from a small difference. This wasn't written by a student. This survey had Minerva's name on it.

Severus smiled a small smile. McGonagall had written a survey? He sat down in McGonagall's chair and started reading the parchment. His smile grew bigger as he read and when he had finished, he was grinning broadly. So, this was the real McGonagall?

He copied the survey as well as the quidditch schedule, locked her drawer, picked up his own parchments and left her office.

When Severus was back in his own chambers, he sat down on the couch and picked up Minerva's survey again.

He could do it to. Let out his inner secrets on this piece of parchment. No one would see it. Maybe it would lighten his mood a bit to. Yes, he would do it. It would be fun. Quite fun indeed.

* * *

Starting time? 21:33

**Personal**

Full name? Severus Amandus Cornelius Prince Snape. **don't laugh!**

Nicknames? Sev, Sevvie, Snapie-poo, Snivellus,

Birthday? 13. March

Age? 32

Sex? Well, I'm not quite sure. I love women, but I also like wearing what women wear. ;)

Siblings? Nope. Don't think my mum wanted more children after she had me.

Star sign? Pieces.

Single or taken? Single at the moment. But if Trelawny asks, I'm taken. She just won't leave me alone.

Hair? Black, long, and shiny… or maybe it's greasy, but I like calling it shiny.

Eyes?

Best and worst features (in your opinion)? Best: well, I've got an incredible six-pack if I may say so myself. Just ask McGonagall. Worst: I can't smile. Bet people wonder why I always smirk, it's because I simply can't smile. Why? I've got…em…I've got _dimples._

Blood? Yep. It's green and sticky and tastes yummy:D What? You don't believe me? Fine! I'm halfblood and I'm proud of it! Don't tell my Slytherins though.

Pets? I had a cat once, but after I started working here it reminded me more and more of McGonagall so I had to get rid of it. It was a nightmare to get out of the shower everyday wondering if it is McGonagall or just your cat who's staring at you. **yes, I DO shower**

**A bit more personal**

First kiss - who/where/when? I'll tell you when it happens. Kidding! Of course I've been kissed. Lilly Evans/potions classroom/5 year. Still wonder why I have a grudge against Potter? He ran of with my girl. Now there's the real reason!

Ever pashed? Hell yeah!

Still a virgin? What, you kidding me? I'm a real, mean, sex machine. Once again; ask McGonagall.

Current crush? HAGRID! Oh hagrid! Come to me, make love to me, touch me, take me! Excuse me…Have to go barf now!…………………………………… okay I'm back. Nope, no current crushes.

Ever had a crush on a teacher? Like Minerva wrote on her survey, there were only old teachers when we went to school, so, EEW!

Who do you hate the most? I would say Longbottom, but he actually makes my classes fun. So, I would have to go with that overgrown dragonfly with the inner eye up in the attic. That woman will be the death of me one day.

What do you sleep in? Pajamas, flannel. They're lavender and really, really comfy.

**School**

What house are you in? Slytherin to the bone!

Who is your favorite teacher? I'm wondering…would you believe me if I said Professor Trelawny?

Who is your least favorite teacher? Well…I guess I don't really have to answer that, now do I? ;)

Favorite subject? I was really fond of History of magic. Whoa! I believe I'm the king of sarcasm, aren't I?

Successes? I'm not really that successful, but I guess it's a success to become as good at potions as I am.

Rule breaker? Let's change that question, shall we? **rule breaker's victim?** YES! 

**Friends**

Besties? Hmm… Lucius Malfoy is a really good friend of mine I believe.

Loudest? Xiomara.

Shyest? Flitwick. Well, maybe he isn't shy, it's just that we can't hear him when he tries to talk to us. And it's often a bit hard to see him, so we don't always notice he's there.

Who do you go to for advice? Albus or Minerva.

**In life**

Ever:

Been Close To Death? You've never heard what Black put me through during my school time have you?

Been Cursed? I'm not that popular among the students so…

Killed Someone? I was a deatheater once you know.

Saved Someone? Saved Harry twice actually. Once from falling of his broom, and once from a werewolf. Have no idea why though.

Been in love? I believe everyone has gone through that before.

Smoked? Quit 6 years ago, my skin turn yellowish, it actually looked like I had a small tan.

Gone skinny-dipping? Once, but I lost a bet with Pomona. Me and McGonagall had to go skinny-dipping together. What a figure on that woman…mmm…:D

Broken the law? One word: DEATHEATER. Is there a law against that b.t.w?

Made yourself cry to get out of trouble? That's pathetic. Men don't cry. Well, maybe once. But there had to be done something drastic and I did it. They tried to put me in detention for Christ sake. D'you know what that would do to my rep?

Made yourself throw up? No!

Kissed a toad? I threatened to do it to Longbottom's toad once just to be mean.

Been rejected? Far to many times, maybe I should wash my hair a bit oftener.

Fallen for your best friend? Lucius? Of course, he is so cute! And once more I have to barf!

Used someone? No…that's just mean.

Been used? Yes, I just said that it's mean, and people are always mean to me. **Sniff**

Most embarrassing moment? When McGonagall used this one spell on me. Halluzinoh or something. That was nasty!

Dream job? Well, I guess it's no secret that I'm dying to get the DADA job.

Role model? The giant squid in the lake. Don't you see the resemblance?

Goal in life? Getting my dream job.

Special talents? Potions. And I'm really great at scaring the shit out of my students.

**Favourites**

Animal? Snakes

Colour? green

Food? pizza

Drink? brandy

Place to shop? I don't really shop, but I believe I like the chemist's in Hungary. They have many interesting things for my potions.

Spell? Levicorpus. Invented that one myself.

Thing you own? My wand I guess. What would I do without it?

Thing to do? Make potions and yell at innocent students.

Quidditch team/position? Slytherin. I was a darn good beater. It was the best feeling ever to knock potter of his broom.

Motto/quote? You have to keep on moving. After all, no dog has ever pissed on a moving car.

Morning or night? night

Summer or winter? winter

Lefty or righty? righty

Gold or silver? silver

**Last…**

Person to make you cry? That must have been Minerva. She got mad about some Gryffiondor I had bothered and punched me. That woman really can throw a decent right hook.

Person to see you cry? Minerva

Person you were mean to? A 1 year Huffelpuff. Called her a dimwit and sent her out of my classroom.

Time you fought with your parents? I never dared fight my parents. My mum was to nice and my dad was to scary.

Time you made a wish? Earlier today I wished that Longbottom would blow up so I could yell at him. My wish came through of course.

Time you laughed? When I read McGonagall's survey.

Time you read a book? In class today.

Thing you ate? A gummybear during my last class. I believe Jordan noticed me because there was a whole new bag of them when I came back to my office after dinner.

**What **

Are you scared of most? Werewolves. Nasty creatures!

Are you listening to right now? Britney Spears. Relax… it's on the radio, though it is kind of catchy.

Are you wearing right now? Robes.

Do you think of these surveys? Hilarious!

Is your biggest hope/dream? To get my dream job!

What's worse:

Barfing on your date or your date barfing on you? Barfing on your date. That would be embarrassing. I've done it though. Never saw her again.

Seeing someone die or you dying? Dying, because I've seen many people die and I'm used to it.

Being helpless or doing something you will regret? Being helpless.

Most likely to respond to this? Albus

Most likely not to respond to this? Sybill.

Time now? 22:13

Severus looked down on what he had just written and frowned. Had he just written this? Best not to let anyone see it, he thought.

He folded the parchment and put it under one of the cushions on the sofa. Ah, sleep, he thought. It would be wonderful.

But he had been right. The survey had in fact changed his mood to the better…

* * *

A/N: Severus and Minerva is supposed to be the two most normal surveys. I'm thinking of making some of the others a bit more crazy.

My next victim is either Albus or Trelawny. Not quite sure yet. Feedback please? Anything you would like me to change? 

Thanks soooo much to those of you who reviewed my first chapter. I'm most grateful to all of you: **capnsilver, jess-88, Silver Snape Silk, AngelFYI13, Slim Shady, Psychoangel, phoenixtear19.**

**Slim Shady: **Yes I know. McGonagall is supposed to be old, but in my imagination she has always been quite young. I picture her under the age of 30 and about 5 years younger than the marauders. Not everything in this story fits that age, but I'm not that accurate with that. :P


	3. Authors note!

A/N: Sorry guys, this is just an authors note. I've been meaning to write for some time now, but I just started school again and things' been kinda hectic. :P I'm really sorry for the delay, I promise I will write:P

There's been many requests that I do Dumbledore next, and that I will do. Wish granted guys:P I'll do my best.

So while you wait, you might want to read my other story if you haven't already:D Thanks for all rewievs guys.

C y'all:D:D:D


	4. Albus Dumbledore

Disclaimers: chapter 1.

Hi guys:P

I'm soooo sorry for the delay, though I don't take any responsibility for it. Blame my teachers.

Damn! What's up with them? Giving me all that homework. Anyway... There's been many wishes for me to do Albus next...and you got your wish...I did him last night in the cupboard...;P hehe. .kidding! no...I'll write his story right now.

Anyway... Thanx for all reviews guys!

Thnx to **slim shady, angelFYI13, Winona Corinne, excessivelyperky, psychoangel, silver snape silk, phoenixtear19, penpal13. **

Albus Dumbledore was humming to himself while he skipped happily through the corridors of Hogwarts. He was on his way to see the potions master himself down in the dungeons.

**I'm going to see the master. The wonderful master of potions!** He sang to himself on his way down to Snape's chambers. And why was the headmaster of Hogwarts in such a good mood? I'll tell you why. Professor Snape had promised to get a hold of the new boxes of lemon drops from Germany. Boxes containing 1500 lemon drops. My oh My! And just this morning Albus had got an owl telling him that his delicious candy had arrived. You still don't get his good mood? Shame on you!

Anyway, Albus had now reached the dark corridor containing the door to Snape's chambers. A shiver went down Albus' spine when he peeked around the corner. "What a scary place this is," he whispered to himself. Suddenly something big brushed against his leg, and he let out a loud high-pitched scream, jumping up and down on the floor trying to scare whatever it was off. After 15 seconds of jumping he finally dared open his eyes, and he looked down on the floor where he saw a cat staring up at him. "Mrs. Norris, " Albus said, still with the same high-pitched voice. _What? _He thought. _That's not my voice. _He cleared his throat a bit and tried again. "Mrs. Norris. Go away! Hush!" He said, shooing her away with the tip of his foot. _That's better! _He thought, hearing his normal voice coming back to him. He had to get away from this scary corridor. So he ran as hard as he could to the end of the corridor, till he reached the black door on the far wall.

He knocked thrice. No answer. Severus! He yelled. No reply. Odd, he thought. Where is he? Didn't Severus tell him to stop by his chambers after dinner? Hmmm, maybe not. Damn, he was getting old. Well, it didn't matter. He needed those lemon drops, and he needed them now! He took out his set of keys to all the doors of the school, and started looking for the right one. Binns' office, great hall, his own office, his own bathroom, girls bathroom, Trelawny's bathroom (did he have that? Hmmm...), ah... there it was. Severus' chambers. Big pink key with purple polkadots.

He unlocked the door and stepped inside. Now where did he put them? Of course, they were quite valuable, so he must have put them on a very safe place. Did he have a safe maybe? A vault? No, probably not. His mattress maybe. Where would he have put something as important as his lemon drops? Of course! Under the cushions on the sofa.

He started lifting up the cushions and throwing them over his shoulder. Where was it? Where... what is this? He thought as he found a sheet of paper. Most definitely a code. How smart of Snape. Of course you would need a code to get to his lemon drops. No, wait! This wasn't a code. This was not a code at all. It was a survey. Severus' survey to be more exact. My, my, my! How interesting.

By now, Albus had forgotten all about his lemon drops. This he had to read. He copied the survey, put the original back in place, and ran back up to his own rooms where he started reading.

He laughed to himself, where he sat on his bed. Well, it was more liked a small girlish giggle. Was that Snape's real name? Jeez! Poor guy! Well, maybe he shouldn't talk. Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore. "That's it!" he said out loud. He would do the survey to. Just like Severus had done. But he wouldn't be an idiot and let it float around in his living room where everyone could see it. No, he would hide it. Yes he would!

Starting time? 20:03

**Personal**

Full name? Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore.

Nicknames? Albie, Bumblebee, Dumbie, Bumblebore...

Birthday? 24/11

Age? 135

Sex? I'm old...would you really like to know? Didn't think so.

Siblings? My dimwit brother Aberforth.

Star sign? Er...What goes with November? Better ask Sybill later.

Single or taken? Single...I might have to mention that to Minerva. Maybe that's why she doesn't seem interested. She probably thinks I'm taken. A dash like me! ;) GrRr!

Hair? Long silky strands of pure silver. Or maybe gray...does it make a difference?

Eyes? B-E-A-utiful light blue eyes. Always twinkling like crazy. Goes with my personality. The "crazy" part that is!

Blood? What do they call it? Mudblood? Yeah...I'm a mudblood and I'm proud of it! I'm also warm-blooded.

Pets? Vulcan is my phoenix. I have a beautiful phoenix and Vulcan is his name!

**A bit more personal**

First kiss - who/where/when? I'll tell you. It was the hottest chick in the whole damn school. The most popular 7th grader ever. It was in the middle of the great hall in my 5th year. You don't believe me? Well she did kiss me. What does it matter that I paid her to?

Ever pashed? What's that? (AN: that's a true question. WHAT IS THAT?)

Still a virgin? **Sighs** It is so hard to admit to it. I don't like calling myself one, it's just that I'm saving myself. She will finally want me, and then I will be ready to give my flower to her. I'm sure that Minerva wants me. She just doesn't know I'm available, that's it.

If not, who/where/when? In my dreams it's in a field full of lilies, and lots of butterflies flying around us. It will be in the middle of the afternoon (before 3 that is) wouldn't want to miss The bold and the beautiful on TV.

Current crush? MINERVA! My little kitty kitty!

Ever had a crush on a teacher? If you're talking about when I myself went to school...it was an all-male staff, so...make what you want out of that. If your talking about my staff then YES!

Who do you hate the most? When someone steals my lemon drops. **SHIT! I forgot to get my lemon drops. How could I!**

What do you sleep in? Silk boxers with little hearts on it. Spells Minerva on my but. ;)

**School**

What house are you in? I was a lion. Therefor the tough character of mine. GrRr!

Who is your favorite teacher? I really liked my divinations teacher when I was in school. A teacher with beautiful long, blonde hair, green eyes and red, full lips. Well, I wasn't told until my second year that it was an all-male staff we had. Do you think I wanted to kill myself?

Who is your least favorite teacher? After I was told about the staff? Guess!

Favorite subject? I love divinations. Especially the tealeaf reading. Oh...and the lovely smells in the classroom.

Successes? Defeated Grindelwald. You might remember? And I defeated Lord Voldemort in the ministry of magic last year. I've become headmaster of Hogwarts, and...well I wouldn't want to brag so I won't say no more.

Rule breaker? Me? Cute wittle me?

**Friends**

Besties? Me and Sybill are besties. I believe I'm the only friend she's ever had. Poor little girl.

Loudest? XIOMARA!

Shyest? Binns maybe. Creepy old guy...:S

Who do you go to for advice? Am I the wisest wizard since Merlin himself or what? Do I need advice? Well...only about my skincare, but then I ask my facialist.

**In life**

Ever:

Been Close To Death? I've been to war mate.

Been Cursed? Minerva can get quite pissed sometimes...she knows quite a few nasty curses.

Killed Someone? Try waking me at 5 in the morning and I will!

Saved Someone? Saved lots of people. I'm a pure hero in the wizard world. SUPERALBIE!

Been in love? I am now. OH MINERVA!

Smoked? I don't need to smoke, I'm smoking enough as it is babe! ;)

Gone skinny-dipping? I tried to join a few of my staff (including Minerva) when they were doing it last summer, but they refused to let me get undressed. Think a few of them were a bit jealous of my rock hard buttocks. If they absolutely want them it's just to work out like I do. I just **squeeze** real tight, and let lose. **Squeeze** real tight, and let lose. Buns of steal!

Broken the law? I do no such thing! Ever!

Made yourself cry to get out of trouble? I don't cry to get out of trouble. I'm a man! I only cry because of important stuff, like when my beautiful pink Speedo was washed together with the students black robes and it turned gray. Damned houseelves!

Made yourself throw up? No...gives me bad breath! No way!

Kissed a toad? I thought it was Minerva you know. I was looking for her in her chambers, and a frog was lying on her bed. I thought it was a transfigured Minerva, so I kissed it to turn her back. Of course it wasn't Minerva. She was standing right behind me all the time, and has looked strangely at me ever since. Is it really that weird? It didn't taste that differently from when I kissed Cornelia in 5th grade

Been rejected? Lots of times. **sniff**

Fallen for your best friend? Sybill? She's not exactly a beauty. A prince like me needs a princess, not a giant bat.

Used someone? Used someone? Is there a question here about me being used? Oh there it is...

Been used? Don't want to answer that thank you. That is a mean question!

Most embarrassing moment? Did I mention the frog thing?

Dream job? Back in my days I wanted to be a cook or a flowerist.

Role model? That buns of steal program I'm working on. It's a program on how to get an ass like J.LO, so I would say it is her.

Goal in life? To be able to get a hold of a spell on how to transfigure pencils into lemon drops.

Special talents? This is something that I don't believe anyone would know about me. I am an excellent riverdancer. I was thinking about doing a little routine when me and Minerva get married. Cause we will you know!

**Favorites**

Animal? Cats

Color? Purple and pink

Food? escargots

Drink? Tea and gillywater

Place to shop? Vicki's lingerie

Spell? I will tell you when I reach my goal in life.

Thing you own? that box of lemon drops that I will get from Snape in just a moment. And my socks!

Thing to do? Riverdance and watch the bold and the beautiful. **That is it Dippet! I am not gay. If you don't stop laughing right this instant, I will paint a tutu on you!**

Quidditch team/position? Don't like playing quidditch. Ruins my hairdo. I am a big fan of Chudley Canons though.

Motto/quote? You have ONE advantage over me...you can kiss my ass and I can't!

Morning or night? Night...

Summer or winter? summer

Lefty or righty? lefty

Gold or silver? Silver...like my hair. IT IS SILVER DIPPET!

**Last…**

Person to make you cry? The house elves when they washed my Speedo.

Person to see you cry? Dobby when he brought me my clothes.

Person you were mean to? I believe I cursed Minerva when she woke this morning. Like I said, don't try!

Time you fought with your parents? Grew up in a fosterhome I'm afraid.

Time you made a wish? When I met Mrs. Norris down in the dungeons this afternoon, I made a wish that it wasn't a flesh-eating cannibal.

Time you laughed? When I got to know what Snape's real name is. Haha:D

Time you read a book? Don't read books. Don't have time between my Riverdance lessons, my soap oprahs, and my facial appointments. OH...and my but work out.

Thing you ate? My last lemon drop. Need... lemon drops... now!

**What **

Are you scared of most? Flesh-eating cannibals.

Are you listening to right now? **Like a virgin. Touched for the very first time...**what was that question? I couldn't hear it because of Dippet's giggling.

Are you wearing right now? my loverly purple robes with stars and moons printed on.

Do you think of these surveys? It's like I've got a new diary.

Is your least favorite thing to do? Have nightmares about cannibals and my divinations teacher.

Is your biggest hope/dream? To win a life supply of lemon drops!

What's worse:

Barfing on your date or your date barfing on you? Barfing on my date. What if I do that on Minerva? Oh no! Nervous breakdown!

Seeing someone die or you dying? Seeing someone die. It would be worse for me to die myself had I been eaten by...ok ok! I'll stop with the whole cannibal thing. FINE!

Being helpless or doing something you will regret? I'm never helpless, so it would be doing something I will regret.

Most likely to respond to this? Sybill.

Most likely not to respond to this? Binns probably...:P

Time now? 21:39

Albus put his pencil down. His pink-feathered pencil that is. (AN: I'm starting to think he **is** gay.)

Now that was refreshing. He hadn't poured out his heart since Minerva stole his diary. She probably wanted to find out if he was single before she asked him out. That woman was just crazy about him.

He rolled up the parchment and but it in his pocket. He wouldn't let it float around. He started pacing the room, trying to figure out what to do next when he all of a sudden got a sugar rush. "Oh, my lemon drops!" He shouted, the high-pitched voice of his back in place. Lifting his robes up to his knees, he rushed down the stairs and down to the dungeons, not noticing the piece of parchment falling from his pocket.

AN: hope you liked it guys. Please R&R:P

**Silver snape silk**: you got your wish about the crush on McGonagall. Hope it's satisfying! ;)


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